I walked into the Starbucks café, ready to reserve the table for the evening. It was the only large table in the little building, boasting eight chairs for anyone who wanted them. My heart sank as I saw someone already sitting there; a man who was reading a book long enough to last him the entire evening.
Lord, you want me to do this, I said, so why is there already a road block?
After sending a quick prayer text to some close friends, I walked over to the man and asked him for the table. Reluctantly, he agreed. I ordered my hot cocoa and sat, reviewing the questions I had brought with me.
It was the first meeting of a girls' Bible study I was starting. I had never led a study before, and needless to say, I was scared. But over the past year, God had prodded me, and I wanted to take the leap of faith for him. If I could encourage one heart, it would be worth it.
Four other girls showed up that evening. It was supposed to be a time of prayer and fellowship, so that we could get to know one another before we began the actual study. But I was already put to the test--everything that could go wrong did go wrong, save a mental breakdown or a medical emergency.
I had thought that I had enough prayer tactics, icebreaker questions, and energy to last me the entire evening; but I was dead wrong. Every person sat in complete and awkward silence. One person answered my small talk questions, and icebreaker answers were kept to a minimum. I could almost feel my hope for the study slowly dying as the conversation did.
I came up with some impromptu study of the Bible book we'd be reading through, and passed out some random sticky notes I found in my purse to write prayer requests on. As we were praying silently, I asked the Lord why yet again.
Lord, you've been calling me to this for an entire year. I did what you asked. You opened every door. I am trying to give my time and energy for this. Why aren't you answering my prayers??
We weren't originally going to be opening our Bibles that night, but because no one had anything to say, I had us open to Colossians, where we'd be studying. We read. And there was God's answer, as plain as day, written in His Word:
"...being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience...I have become [the church's] servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord’s people...To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me." -Colossians 1:12,25-26, 29
It wasn't my energy I was giving. It wasn't my mission that I was embarking on. It was God's.
On the way home, I was tempted to complain about how poorly things had gone, or to burst into tears and beat myself up over how bad a leader I was. What a selfish way to spend my time! Instead, I praised my Yahweh for always strengthening me. If God was calling me to this, he would find a way to make it work. I had to have faith.
Four months later, I find myself sitting around the same Starbucks table on the first and third Wednesday night of every month. I've never again had to ask anyone to move tables for my group to sit. This time, nearly every chair is full, and I'm worried that we may have to find a new venue soon. Our chat group has switched threads three times to make way for newcomers, some of whom I had never met before. Everyone participates, whether praying aloud or discussing and reading Scripture. Everyone runs down rabbit trails of prayer requests, and everyone laughs aloud. I pray that everyone walks away encouraged.
And as I walk out of that café every other week, it's easy to have the opposite mindset than I did that first night--I'm a great leader! I can do it! I make people feel encouraged and comfortable: go me!
Instead, I want to go back to that same passage in Colossians. It's not my strength, but God's. Goodness knows it's not my talent, but Christ working in me. If I am to be a witness to God's goodness in my life and in this study, I have a duty to not waste it--I want to give full credit to the God who fights my every battle.
how have you seen God working in your life recently? how can you choose to give Him the glory and credit for everything you do?
Toodeloo, friends!
~Lily May
P.S. Do you feel inspired to support or pray for someone else's calling? My dear friend Alayna is going on a mission trip to the Dominican Republic this spring! Check out her post about it here, and please consider praying for her and/or supporting her as she embarks on this exciting journey. (: